San Manuel Bueno, mártir

We presented on the first part of: San Manuel Bueno, mártir

I brought up the topic that Don Manuel was insecure about his beliefs, that he didn't quite know what to believe, but still pushed on for the sake of the community. That the author, and one of the characters in the story, Angelina, was noticing this about Don Manuel and was feeling for him. The whole town believes him a saint, and his decisions and actions show him to be one of the most beloved people in the area. So I felt that his insecurities would devastate this community. The title suggests that he sacrifices for the people so that they might believe.

Well I talked with a friend of mine, briefly, after class. He had taken the class before and I showed him the NIV and KJ versions of 1 Corinthians ch 15 that I had printed out. Told him what they were for and his words were: "Is that the story about the priest that knows the secret of life. That he doesn't believe in Christ, but thinks that Christ knew the secret too?"

So I was wrong, but that wasn't what bothered me...

During the presentation no one talks, no one discusses. I present this possibility forward and no one says anything. We have not read that far in the book, so the idea might still be plausible, but no one discusses.

Hell my Spanish isn't all that great, and I stumble around trying to get people to talk, or point out these possibilities... but all it seems I get back is silence, and the few people who decide to laugh or giggle.

Not sure if they are laughing at me, either my ideas or poor Spanish. It hurt a lot more the first two presentations (Which I believe my thoughts/perceptions were wrong there too). This time it still bothered me, "How dare they laugh/mock when they refuse to discuss?!"

I don't care if I am wrong, but it's the ridicule without correction that bothers me more. It upsets me because everyone is afraid of being wrong. That is how I have interpreted it so far. No one speaks, no one discusses, and everyone just sits there waiting to be told something. I'm not sure if they were mocking me, or laughing at my bad Spanish. But they don't contribute.

It had a negative effect on my class participation after the first presentation. I participated, made wrong statements, but still kept going. Then after my first presentation, I guess I just decided to not bother because I was putting forth my effort and not getting anything worthwhile back.

Same went for my second presentation. I tried to get the class involved and to state what they believe, but they wouldn't. Laughter was present in that one, but even if I had wrong beliefs or statements, no one tried to correct it. No one said, "Actually this looks to be true." It felt like just laughter.

I didn't feel embarrassed because no one had anything to say. After the second presentation I guess I realized that it didn't matter if I was right or wrong, just that I tried and presented my findings forward. Any embarrassment would be on my shoulders and that I had a choice in whether or not I would bare it. I developed this saying to myself: I'm never wrong. I'm just right or I learn something new.

One of the chief feelings when one is wrong is embarrassment and I refuse the bare that. Not for people who won't make an effort into a discussion or risk being wrong themselves. I'll feel it for those that matter to me, for those that I injure, but it seems like the Academic World brands "wrong" or "misinformation" as a sin or taboo. Those who are wrong or present information badly are mocked and berated. I despise that, and refuse to play that game. I won't be subject to someone's ridicule and attempt to embarass me... particularly when they are unhelpful.

I'm in control of myself, no one else.
"You think you control your life?"
No, but I control my body. Knowledge is important, but like strength, others need to know how to use it. I have gotten the feeling that many people who "Know" mock and belittle those that don't. Is this the bully system again?

I won't lie, it hurts that this happened again... and perhaps I'm seeing things that were not there, or reading things wrong... but I am proud that I wasn't embarrassed this time, nor as angry.

I did learn something in this class.