I was worried

Pseudo-Scientific Psychopath Detector
Glibness/superficial charm = YES
Egocentric, exaggerated self-image = YES
Need for stimulation/bored easily = SOMEWHAT
Pathological lying = SOMEWHAT
Conning and manipulativeness = YES
Lack of remorse or guilt = YES
Shallow emotions = YES
Callousness and lack of empathy = SOMEWHAT
Parasitic lifestyle = SOMEWHAT
Poor behavioral controls = YES
Sexual promiscuity = SOMEWHAT
Childhood behavior problems = SOMEWHAT
Lack of realistic long-term goals = NO
Impulsivity = SOMEWHAT
Irresponsibility = SOMEWHAT
Failure to accept responsibility for actions = SOMEWHAT
Many short-term relationships = SOMEWHAT
Varied criminal behavior = SOMEWHAT
Posts 'first' messages = NO

Probable diagnosis = Moderately psychopathic

OK, so it isn't exactly a full fledged verification from a doctor...but for about a year now I've been concerned that I might be a psychopath.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not really concerned, but I will bring this up with a counselor I think. I've just been reading about all this... how many psychopaths are very successful in the world... and the general assumption is that psychopaths that turns to crime are considered to be “unsuccessful psychopaths” due to their failure to blend into society.

It has been interesting research to find out more about this...

I'm fully expecting to find that I probably only have criminal tendencies... but I'll need a professional opinion on that.

Hrm - Jerks?

A brief and interesting article.

I saw He's just Not that Into You the other night and thought it was great.

I recommend it and find this article adds a little bit to it.

Link

Now, the interesting part is how easily the roles can be reversed...

Good read, and I recommend the movie!

The World Vs Me

And I stand in front of her.

Don't do it, this is wrong, your not acting like yourself.

Each of these words, phrases, looks, whispers...

yet I can't stop.

What is she, and why can't I listen to everyone else and walk away. The whole world will tell me that what I am doing is wrong, that it will NEVER work.

That I'm a fool. I believe in her...

I will stand in front of her, taking it all...

I can hear you!
I AM Listening!
I DO Care!

but I can't stop. There is no running from this. I will go to Japan, I will visit where I was born, I will travel all over the world for years...

but I WILL come back...

Even if I leave a wife and kids...
Even if I leave everything I own...
Even if I leave hope and salvation...

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
YOU DON'T FEEL IT!
YOU DON'T KNOW IT!!!

I have to get through this... solve this... understand this... fix this...

Because if I don't, my life will be ruined, soiled, forgotten, lost...

Wasted...

I feel God's hand on my shoulder... holding me steady... like we are almost there...

The flames are getting hotter, and the voices are getting louder...

What will I find on the other side?

Will I find myself alone? Will I lose it all?

For her? I'd do it... and it has come to my mind that I am willing to do this regardless of how she feels...

The whole world tells me I'm insane... but this needs to happen.

Update (The Morning After... with pills)

I understand people are concerned for me, and I appreciate it...
But this is something important.
I hope people can understand.