Sunday, April 27, 2008

Drink Drink Drink

Por que?

Well I remember last night, and things still seem good.

Far too much alcohol and I think the straight rum/vodka were what push things too far.

Get this: American Vodka.

Tasted like crap, but I, being the wonderful soul that I am, decided I should finish it because my friend didn't want it anymore.

I do the same with food, if it is not going to get eaten, or getting bad (and it still edible) i'll take it off their hands.

I'll have to not do that with alcohol again : /

Problem was it really upset my girl to not know where I was or what I was doing. I did completely just space that out after having far too much to drink, and about the time we put in Benny and Joon (probably about 3), I was at the toilet. Vomit, drink water, vomit, drink water, repeat. I heard everyone left and once I could look around without getting dizzy and upsetting my stomach I went and laid down to go to bed. At some point during the throwing up, both my legs fell asleep (below the knees) so it was fairly interesting trying to walk on nubs of wood... but I managed it, till they woke up again. kept cleaning off my hair, washing my mouth and nose, and repeating it all again.

Sadly I missed the movie with everyone :( and Dan+Carrie made sure I was ok before leaving... Carrie recommended I drink lots of water and I responded with "Really? I'll try that." I remember thinking in my head (Jeez that sounded sarcastic and you probably made her think you were a jack ass. HA throwing up like this and now your worried about being a jackass. But in the off chance that she manages to read this, I was not being sarcastic and it really did help, I actually started doing that after Dan and and she left.

Bleh, and here I was hoping I had figured out that magical amount
(get it? -> Linky)

But Water does help after drinking to prevent hangovers (possibly the vomiting too, but not recommended). The crackers I didn't get to try. *sad face*

So once every few months this happens, going out and I wind up drinking. Once every 6+months I get to see the toilet. I'm not sure why people do it on a regular basis, I know I couldn't afford it or even think about experiencing it more than once a year...

Still I know i'm avoiding the subject of talking about my girl's thoughts in this. She was, needless to say, quite pissed. It bothered her severely not to know where I was, or what I was doing. I stupidly left my phone on vibrate and on the floor in front of the couch, so it drove her nuts trying to figure out what I was doing. She called friends, and others trying to figure it out, and I was slightly miffed at it... but I did forget to tell her what was going on. I guess the part that bothers me most, is not the fact that I upset her drinking that much... but the fact that I don't want others to think badly about her for calling and getting frantic last night. I messed up on the communication part, and some of my closest friends had to put up with it... so I don't want them to think of her badly :(

Ha, you were drinking far too much, and don't want others to think of your girlfriend badly? Kind of arrogant of you to think others won't think badly of you!
I guess i'm not woried so much about my image basically because most people never see me in this state because I DON'T do it... well once a year so far (I think. Maybe this blog will help me keep track of those) Seems others found it quite humorous up until the toilet and the calling... But i've been working on trying to fix things up with my girlfriend and my friends for a bit... I don't quite understand what happened (in the past or more recently) but I wanted her to join me at that Korean movie night last night. But there is this fear of bringing her around... eye dagger feeling and I'm hoping that if others spend time with me more, they will be more accepting of her... cause honestly I don't know what it is about her that other people don't like.
Edit for clarification: This is a thought, not a fact that other people don't like her at all... my musing and an attempt to solve a problem... Chances are people are just fine with her and I don't see it. This would insinuate that something is wrong with me.

Getting hammered and acting like a monkey probably isn't the best way to go about it, but I was hoping that if I can spend time with these others and get an understanding of them, I might be able to solve it... but it gets kind of hard when I don't think there should be a problem in the first place. I miss hanging out with my friends alot and it seems like ever since i started dating Rose, i've had to isolate myself from them more because I can't include her. Some are willing, perhaps all are, and I've been trying to work on that with Rose... because leaving her alone on nights like last night just won't work... particularly when I think she would have enjoyed those movies.

Additions: Where is the problem? Her? Them? Both? Miscommunication that has just plain carried too far? What does it take to get this working nicely? I'll take the blame if that is the case... Perhaps I just always complain?

She means alot to me, I honestly have never found a girl I could so easily fall asleep with and just joke and play around like we do. Beautiful, Smart, Silly, Caring, and willing to learn video games so she can play with me... honestly I couldn't ask for better! Hell, I remember my last relationship and asking God for someone to love and here I got it! (More than I bargained for in some cases ^____^ ) But then this problem crept up and I trust ALL of my friends and try to understand their concerns and points of view... they really helped me out in my last relationship. I trust my girlfriend.... so I'm stuck trying to figure out what is going on. I seriously believe this is just a huge mess of miscommunication and worries/fears... what can I do?! Leave the woman I love at home to go be with friends I miss and love... or stay with the woman I love and miss my friends... Erica and Pat... I miss going out with them... Kyle too... Wonderful people, all of them. The age limit on bars usually restricts my girl from there:P

But... How do you solve a problem that you believe shouldn't exist in the first place? Perhaps the problem is with me? Am I painting a bad image of her in some ways? I worry about that at times... that my complaints are what people hear more... and not the goods.

3 comments:

Matt and Elizabeth Martineau said...

*hug*

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Rose said...

Sir! I demand you blog again. It's been about a month. Need some food for thought? Research Judith Butler (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judith_Butler)