Monday, February 11, 2008

The Sword and the Forge

When I was a boy, I wanted to be a blacksmith.

I dreamed I would forge quality swords, that I was back in the middle ages working on weapons in the woods.

Weapons of excellent design. Weapons of such good quality that people all over the world would want one and would be proud to own one... or even know someone who owned one.

I was born in the 20th century, a man in the 21st century, and unlikely at this time to pick up blacksmithing. It is no longer the age of Arthur and swords are more of a novelty or collector's item.

I didn't stop forging though...

I feel it every time I shape myself... change myself.
The hammer on metal, the heat of the forge, the desire to be that perfect weapon... that perfect being.

This shaping takes a lifetime though, and each time the hammer meets the blade I feel the change take shape. I hear the metal ring in my ears, and I sense my body and mind have become something better...something truer.

I feel my whole being shake and something new has happened to me... some new understanding.
I can see the hammer meet the metal, the anger of metal on metal. The shower of sparks.
I can feel the heat around me, I can feel the glowing blade shining in the dark.

This is what I see and feel. I forge myself with every mistake, every truth, and every acheivement. I feel myself burned, heated, and remade again and again... always getting better. Each time the hammer hits it stays with me and sings throughout me.

There is no beginning or end to this process, it takes my whole life... possibly past that into my whole existance. There is not parts to it, as each part contributes to the whole. Perfection will be pulled from every piece, and all together this forms a unique design... nothing else like this.

When I felt tired today, I felt the forging...
I saw and heard the hammer hit the steel...
I suddenly understood that I am getting better...
Not yet perfect and possibly not in anytime I can see...

I felt the hammer hit the steel and I understood.

This time of my life will be tough, it will bring me to tears, but it will make me better.

Always Better.

1 comment:

Rose said...

I don't think you'll ever become perfect. All you can do is keep trying, keep growing, keep loving, keep bleeding and healing.