Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The World Vs Me

And I stand in front of her.

Don't do it, this is wrong, your not acting like yourself.

Each of these words, phrases, looks, whispers...

yet I can't stop.

What is she, and why can't I listen to everyone else and walk away. The whole world will tell me that what I am doing is wrong, that it will NEVER work.

That I'm a fool. I believe in her...

I will stand in front of her, taking it all...

I can hear you!
I AM Listening!
I DO Care!

but I can't stop. There is no running from this. I will go to Japan, I will visit where I was born, I will travel all over the world for years...

but I WILL come back...

Even if I leave a wife and kids...
Even if I leave everything I own...
Even if I leave hope and salvation...

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
YOU DON'T FEEL IT!
YOU DON'T KNOW IT!!!

I have to get through this... solve this... understand this... fix this...

Because if I don't, my life will be ruined, soiled, forgotten, lost...

Wasted...

I feel God's hand on my shoulder... holding me steady... like we are almost there...

The flames are getting hotter, and the voices are getting louder...

What will I find on the other side?

Will I find myself alone? Will I lose it all?

For her? I'd do it... and it has come to my mind that I am willing to do this regardless of how she feels...

The whole world tells me I'm insane... but this needs to happen.

Update (The Morning After... with pills)

I understand people are concerned for me, and I appreciate it...
But this is something important.
I hope people can understand.